Magnolia :: When you have a promising writer, great cast, and interesting story idea, where can you go wrong. Someone involved with this movie figured out a way. Not only is it enormously long, there's no climax! What the hell!? As a friend of mine stated, "it's like every scene is building up to its own climax, but it never comes." Everyone involved played their parts perfectly, especially Tom Cruise as Frank T.J. "Tame the pussy, worship the cock" Mackey. There's a constant tension throughout the movie in every scene, between every character, but nothing comes of it. All that happens is a bunch of frogs fall from the sky to provide a little humor late in a marathon-like film. Watching the film roughly equates to 3 hours of heavy petting, maybe some breast or honker-grabbing, but nothing serious and then for no reason at all, a talking fish or some weird pointless thing interrupts you at which point you both get up and part ways unsatisfied. Only difference was I didn't walk out of the theater with blue balls.

Man on the Moon :: So you make a movie with Jim Carrey, Courtney Love, Danny DeVito, and Paul Giamatti; get Milos Foreman to direct it, and you have the makings of a good movie, right? Oh wait, I forgot to mention, the movie is an homage to a guy who was interesting, but not funny. Andy Kaufman's life was certainly colorful, he was an interesting person to say the least, and someone dying from cancer is sad regardless of who it is. That said, this was not what I expected. Kaufman's years on Taxi were mere a music video in a film that chose to focus on Kaufman's penchant for practical jokes and twisted idea of what was funny. Jim Carrey is convincing in the role, and Courtney Love continues to prove to nay-sayers that she can in fact act. It was pretty cool to see the cast from Taxi playing their original parts, although I was a little disappointed that DeVito and the uncompromising Tony Danza were missing. Foreman and writers Alexander and Karaszewski carry out a great theme of Kaufman and Bob Zmuda (Giamatti) constantly playing pranks on the public. From his wrestling battles with Jerry Lawler (played by the man himself) to the character of night club singer Jimmy Clifton who is basically Kaufman's alter-ego, the movie does a great job portraying Kaufman as a good-natured, misunderstood possible genius. The story really lost my interest at some points, but overall it was worth matinee prices. Unfortunately, that's not what I paid!

Mating Habits of the Earthbound Male, The :: Pretty simple movie. Been done before, follow around two people in a new relationship from meeting to marriage. All the ups and downs, all the stupid games, etc. One key thing, Carmen Electra plays the female side of the relationship. Unfortunately, there's no nudity. David Hyde Pierce provides some funny play-by-play as the alien explaining the rituals to his alien buddies. The movie is sort of an Idiot's Guide-type thing that an alien race would watch to get acquainted to the awe-inspiring mating rituals us dumb animals go through just to get a piece. Not bad, not great, sort of average.

Matrix, The :: The latest offering from the folks who brought us the sexy thriller "Bound" does not quite live up to expectations. The premise is pretty simple, what is real, what is dream? That is what our hero Thomas "Neo" Anderson (Keanu Reaves) must learn. To help, he is brought under the wing of the all too cryptic and calm Morpheus (Laurence Fishburn). Morpheus can easily be described as that old guy in all the martial arts films that everyone thinks is going to get his ass kicked, but instead wails on the young protagonist. In fact, the Bruce Lee-esque fight scene is exactly where that mental picture came to me. Also, there is the love interest Trinity played by Carrie-Anne Moss. The cast is likable except for Reeves, who is his usual lost self until the end when he realizes he really is the hero. Special effects really carry the movie with the slow motion fight scenes and the shape-morphing reminiscent of "Virtuosity." Beyond that, plot is fairly weak right up to the incredibly corny fairy-tale ending when our hero 'gets the girl.' Worth Matinee prices and worth seeing on the big screen if only for the effects.

Me, Myself & Irene :: Jim Carrey plays Jim Carrey as a Rhode Island State Trooper alongside Renee Zellweger in a pretty forgettable movie about the all-too-nice guy who is walked on by everyone and is pretty much oblivious to the world around him. Unfortunately, the movie relies on pretty cheap slapstick worthy of "America's Funniest Home Videos" rather than the choice comedy the Farrelly bros. have produced in the past. Fortunately, it worked in Dumb & Dumber to some extent, but now it's just tired. The movie was good for a few laughs, but not much else. Any of the good jokes were too overplayed, and the plot was.... forget the plot. Rental fare and not much more here, move along.

Meet the Parents :: Ben Stiller is just so damn cool. As good as Stiller is in this movie, he is mildly upstaged by Robert DeNiro and Blythe Danner playing his untrusting and over-critical future in-laws. Stiller plays Greg Focker (yes,his last name sounds like some other word) who is placed in the uncomfortable position of meeting his girlfriend's parents. Future father in-law (DeNiro) is a retired CIA operative who doubts Focker's intentions, future, employment choice and pretty much anything else about him. Owen Wilson plays Kevin, ex-boyfriend of Pam, Focker's girlfriend. Jack Byrnes (DeNiro) likes Kevin better, Focker gets nervous and starts screwing up everything and Pam must decide in the end whether she wants to spend her life with a guy named Focker. I liked the story and thought Stiller, Danner and especially DeNiro played their parts perfectly. Certainly not a fresh story idea, but still worth watching.

Mission: Impossible 2 :: Much better than the first. Tom Cruise returns as Ethan Hunt as does Ving Rhames as Luther Stickwell. The rest of the group is all new. Dougray Scott plays Bad Guy™ Sean Ambrose and former IMF member, and the delectable Thandie Newton plays Nyah Nordoff-Hall, a civilian professional thief and former girlfriend of Ambrose's. Cruise's mission that he accepts (to keep the movie going of course) is to enlist the help of Hall in tracking down Ambrose and finding an unknown substance he has stolen. One interesting thing about the plot is that, rather than having Cruise know exactly what he is dealing with, the writers have gotten original in that IMF only knows the name of the substance and nothing about what it is or does. Not to mention, they have no clue where to begin looking for Ambrose. John Woo brings his usual eye for action to the film and manages to come out with a great action film. While the plot is mostly predictable, it's the action that makes the movie (what did you expect?). My only complaint is the overuse of the classic Mission: Impossible disguise wherein a person wears a perfectly matched mask and voice modulator to come off as someone they're not. It's used way too much here and in one specific unlikely part in the end. Beyond this the movie outshines its predecessor in shear action while it gives up some ground in sophistication. Personally, I think Hollywood's big action writers, producers and directors should be taking classes from Mastah Woo.

Mission to Mars :: Well I have to say, this movie was not what I thought it would be. I was expecting an updated 2001. Unfortunately, what I saw was not even that good a story. Brian DePalma presents us with a look into the future with three buddies being split up so one can lead the first manned mission to Mars. The futuristic settings were not overdone, and had an air of credibility to them, in the beginning of the film, we establish that Jim McConnell (Gary Sinise) was supposed to go, but lost his wife making him ineligible due to NASA's future "couples in space bringing about stability and warding off insanity" policy. Oddly enough, the new mission leader, Luke Graham (Don Cheadle) is leaving his wife at home to look after their kids. DePalma wastes little time in getting the first group to mars where they find a mysterious mountain that emits weird noises and eventually kills all but one in the exploration party. Now the focus is on getting to Mars, finding the survivor and getting him home. All sorts of hell breaks loose on the way to Mars, all sorts of gaping technical holes in the plot appear, and we end up meeting an alien race. I am not going to spoil the ending, but suffice to say, it's pretty cheesy. Once again, we have a movie with an excellent idea that is told so poorly and half-assed, that it must rely on great special effects to save it. Unfortunately, I don't think this one had a chance to begin with.

Mod Squad, The :: When will Hollywood producers realize that just because Claire Danes is somewhat good looking doesn't mean people will believe she wasn't jail bait a scant few years ago? This is one movie that is all movie. What I mean is that, like "21 Jump Street" and the original "Mod Squad" before, the idea of kids being hired into the police force as anything more than narcs is ridiculous. Although those `70's-style Levi's clothes were so fly... I mean the Sansabelt bell-bottoms Omar Epps wore practically throughout the movie? I think my Grandfather gave his to the Salvation Army a few years ago. The plot of the movie is choppy as hell, and character development is so poor, we are left to see a rock producer as a really bad guy because he deals in drugs and forces Epps to dance with him (not that he's gay, he just likes dancing). Whoa, what a psycho. The climax features people jumping out of speeding cars and not feeling any injury until the all-to-spontaneous police shoot-out is over. Brief moments of what could have been good acting are drowned out by a director trying too hard-up for that "Berretta" or "Kojack" motif. I mean it is pretty bad when you remake something and forget to update it to the times! Not only is everyone dressed like a northerner on vacation in Miami, they even all drive the cars (which was about the only decent part of the movie). Don't waste your time on this one. It should hit cable in record time.

Moulin Rouge :: Rarely does one go into a movie without knowing what to expect. I know the story behind Moulin Rouge, I know who the charactewrs are and I expected to see something a little different. Considering this is the same writer responsible for Romeo+Juliette, I figured this new movie would be at least as cleverly told as Luhrmann's earlier work. Nicole Kidman plays Satine, a courtesan at the famous historic Paris night club Moulin Rouge. She is the main attraction at the club and available to make men believe in whatever fantasy they want if they can pay her high price. Ewan McGregor plays Christian, a penniless budding writer set out to write about love. Only problem is, he's never been in love. Then he meets Satine and all that changes. Through persistence and a singing voice that keeps all Paris awake at night, our hero gets the girl. Of course, there are a few things in the way of their love, including a rich, jealous Duke who has recently purchased the club in order to convert it into a real theater. Oh, and this jealous Duke is, of course, infatuated with Satine. Loosely based on the story of Orpheus, Satine and Christian's romance is star-crossed to say the least.

The film is full of interesting cinematography just as Romeo+Juliette was, only Luhrmann takes it a step further making this movie more surreal. The world created in Moulin Rouge is fantastic and beautiful but with a very real dark side. Richard Roxburgh as the Duke is excellent as are McGregor and John Leguizamo as famous bohemian painter Toulouse-Lautrec. About half-way through the film I was really not enjoying myself. Then I thought, "This would have been so much better on stage." After that, I began watching the film as if it were a play, and the experience was considerably better. The musucal numbers, rococo-style direction and acting as well as the extra-fantastic special effects seemed much more plausible. Several of the musical numbers are showtune versions of popular contempory hits such as "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend," "Like A Virgin," "Diamond Dogs" and "Roxanne" to name a few. While I feel these musical choices weren't necessary and at times served to cheapen the film, I admit they were used tastefully and not overdone. One song I felt Luhrmann used well was "The Show Must Go On" which has always been one of my favorite Queen ditties. Certainly a better effort from Luhrmann than Strictly Ballroom or Romeo+Juliette if only because of a more experienced cast or a more compelling and origial story.

Mummy, The :: This was all in all a pretty good movie. Nothing Indiana Jones didn't do, but hell, beggars can't be choosers right? Everyone did a great job in their parts however I felt Brendan Fraiser was probably the worst of the three big ones (Fraser, Rachel Weisz, & John Hannah from Four Weddings & a Funeral). Hannah (Jonathan) was easily one of the bright spots as was the part of Beni played by Kevin J. O'Conner. Fraser really only shined when his character was in whoop-ass mode or dealing with Beni. The story was pretty cool, releasing Im-Ho-Tep on Egypt and bringing back the much loved and revered 10 plagues of Egypt. The scarabs are especially neat to watch. The effects in the movie were great, but don't expect any great performances or even a riveting plot. In short, great effects movie, worth seeing on the big screen (matinee if possible), funny characters, but nothing really spectacular.

The Mummy Returns :: I am not 100% sure what I expected from this movie, but I wasn't happy with what I got. The story began well enough going a little more into the history of Imhotep and his lover as well as introducing us to O'Connell (Fraser) and Evie's (Weisz) boy Alex. This time, Imhotep needs the armies of the Anubis (Egyptian Dog-headed god). To do this, he must defeat the Scorpion King (played by the Rock). Can you smell what the Scorpion King is cooking? Sorry, couldn't resist. From here, we follow the resurrected mummy and the O'Connells from London back to Egypt in search of the Scorpion King's oasis.

While everyone involved played their parts as well if not more believably that in the first Mummy installment, the movie falls short. Rather than relying on a believable story enhanced by great special F/X (like the first one), this story seems thrown together and doesn't really flow well at all. It seems as if our heroes stumble from one action sequence to another and exhibit a terribly flipant attitude towards impending doom. Sort of a "been there, done that" take on everything. Even Evie's brother Jonathon (John Hannah) who was one of the wussies in the first movie seems unaffected by resurrected dead things trying to kill him. Sorry, I've never been in the position, but I would think one never gets entirely that complacent about the possibility of their own demise. On top of this, the effects are no step forward from the first movie. Granted, the wall of water moving through a canyon was pretty cool, but it was done in the Mummy only with sand. How is it we can have realistic-looking water rushing through a canyon, but an island in the middle of the ocean looks blatently mapped over stock ocean footage? I won't even get into the jet-powered dirigible as that would make this review longer than it needs to be. Catch a matinee if you're into action and not much more, but don't expect much more in the lines of plot, character development or continuity. Otherwise, wait for it to come out on DVD.